Metaphysically Linked.

Never can be such a horrible phrase to say, it can be the cause of much undesired pain and dismay. It would seem there can be a you without me, but without you I wouldn't care to exist or be seen. Promise me you'll never leave, and yes I mean, won't you stay with me, forever please? I can try to imagine a world without you, but my heart would jump through my conscience and tell me the truth, and that is that calculation does not compute, don't try and solve that riddle, or you'll loose some IQ. You see, we are one half of each other, and together we are complete and way more than lovers. Transcending the astral plane is simple for you and I, holding hands through the metaphysical as we fly, going through all the trials and tribulations that have been lain in our path, it only proves how much more we should stay together, but don't forget the past too fast, because though we mourn for our mistakes, we seem to grow in their wakes. No one out there can match our spirits, let them try, they won't make it past the gates, they'll just end up falling back bellow towards the place that they most hate, and proceed to live out their fates.

Thanks for always being there babe, I love you so much!

When will it stop?

Why are the emotions eating me from the inside out, as if I'm not already filled with more than enough doubt? Its crazy to think this at this age, but I guess its nothing but a number, I swear I wish I could put it so sleep, let it slumber. It keeps digging itself deeper into my psyche, this is going to drive me insane, is there anybody that can help me, before it implodes my heart, my soul and brain? The pressure is more than I can handle, I admit it, but the pain still courses through my veins. I'm constantly feeling the erruption of madness within, that looks as if ill never win. To be honest I'm glad these walls cant talk, because then you'd be forced to see, just how dark and twisted I've really come to be. Though you were never there, you still affected me, you’ve made your mark. Looks like your plan came to fruition, looks like your seed grew into completion.

Finally things are looking great!

Sooo it looks like my weeks of shaving clean,(wow how much I missed my beard) and dressing up and going through nerve breaking interviews are over! After 1...2...3...4...5...yeah, FIVE different interviews, I finally got the position I wanted! Muahahahahaahahahaha (doctor-evil-over-exaggerated-out-of-breath-laugh) Beat out two other people for it. Yeah, I feel kind of bad they dint get it...but fuck it, I deserve it as much as them. This job comes with benefits, sick days, insurance too! waaaaat. Ok, just had to let the world know. I'm happy once again. And thanks to everybody that kept telling me to hold my head up and not to worry, made the wait till I got to hear the news a lot easier, I still cant believe I got it though.

Fading Armor

Your smile is welcoming, but your eyes are threathening. Your armor is getting rusty, but the truth is even armorall couldn't bring the shine back. The ripples in your face show the pain that's constantly in motion, flowing through your body like osmosis, spreading everywhere. And no matter how many times you lift the barbell, the weight keeps coming back down, showing no mercy. You know the lactic acid is raining down all over your body, and the emotional pain is tougher than the physical. You need some rest, take a second to compose yourself... I know i'll recover soon enough.

Ambition, a bad thing?

I guess things don't always go as planned, I'm not mad though, its expected in life. I just wish sometimes the efforts don't seem in vain. Countless days spent worrying about the future, for it to come crashing down all around you in a moments notice. I wonder if life were lived as it once seemed so simple in the beggining of time, would it still be as fulfilling? Forget getting the overpriced cars and expensive clothes, they feel like a burden in the end. We make these goals of money, or dreams, and label them ambitions but instead I swear they convert themselves to inhibitions. Striving for success can be a hard road, but in the end, would the paycheck and nice house make it all worth it?

Heartshare

I don't share it, I give it. She takes it, and appreciates it. That's the reason why it hurts so good. But if there were never any rocky roads, filled with pot holes and anguish, how would you define happiness? Its possible we may need things to go wrong, to remind us that opposite to all that pain and disbelief, excitement and joy is only a smile away. I may wear my heart on my sleeve, but its the only one way I know how to breathe. It may seem bleak the way things unfold, and its natural to place the blame on the opposition. Just stop and ask yourself, is it really me? If you really think about it, the answer may even surprise... you.

Not Fair...at all

My schedule has been horrible the past three weeks. I have time to go to school, work, hang out with friends. But I don't have time to enjoy my favorite activity in the whole world! (Alright 2nd favorite) I haven't worked out in like 3 weeks. Then when I work up some time to be able to crush the weights, my wrist craps out on me. Horrible, bone crunching pain in my left wrist. I couldn't even wipe after taking a dump at the peak of this pain. Yeah, I'm not creative enough to make that up, it actually hurt that much. Usually when I get injured, I do cardio or weights alone, then what happens, my right knee gives out, and it feels like a sprained tendon. I've had this pain on my left knee in the exact same spot, and only Ibuprofen was my savior. No ammount of icy hot or rubbing would help. So now on top of not having the time to head over there, I can't do shit even if I wanted to. This to me is like taking a writers pen and paper away from him/her after he/she clears up the worst case of writers block. Taking the skateboard away from an avid skateboarder. You get the idea. I hope I heal up quick, this just messed up my chances for this photoshoot that was planned at the end of fashion week, but ill get back on top of it once I heal up.....hopefully!

Re-new begginings?

Here we go again, another year of school. New year, new school, story of my life. This is the last time I transfer schools though, I WILL get my degree from here, no more games! Its a lot tougher than people think moving to a new school, everything's unfamiliar to you. You don't have that sense of security you sort of come to terms with that built up over time the longer you've been in a certain school. Going from St. Johns University to City Tech felt like a downgrade. Only because I went from a campus setting, actually living on campus, to a commuter school. When you dorm, its a community of people in which you share your college years. Everything you do, even if you tried you won't be able to avoid seeing the same people people at least once or twice a week. Whether its doing laundry, going to the gym, eating at the dining hall, whatever. Other than that, the classes and the caliber that create the difference in the tuition cost is practically non-existent. Teachers from either school weren't much better than the other. I encountered simple, obnoxious, funny, annoying, tough graders, whatever you categorize your teacher as, in both schools. And guess what? Its not any different now in BK College. I hope this year is smooth and nothing gets in the way of my studies, because that's the most important part of my life right now (or it should be) Now that makes me sound uncertain, but really I know what I have to do, now its just time to get it done.

Been a while!

No, I haven't forgotten about the blog, just been busy. Or kind of avoiding it a little bit if I kind of think about it. I always put more out here than I want to sometimes. Oh well, if not in a blog, then where would I do it? But, I'm glad im starting school soon, I really need some kind of focus! All this work and no play makes Joe a dull boy! Man there it goes again, well who doesn't like The Shining? Haha

Childhood dream or future reality?

Man when I was a kid back in DR still running around my house barefoot, I always dreamed of being able to live lavishly. I mean like owning 10 cars, houses pretty much all over the world, having a boat, etc. Nows a different story, its so hard letting go as simple and as childish as those dreams may seem, part of me sees people doing this daily, at least what they want to show on TV. All these superstars just living "the dream". I don't want to settle getting an average job, making average money just to get by. That's fucking whack. So I'm aiming higher than that. I'm not even talking about getting superstar money, but I'm damn sure going to be doing better than just getting by, I'm going to own my own range, rover that is, and I'm even going as far to say I want my own boat. Not a yatch, I still think real and I doubt, ill be making money like that (not to put any limitations on my own will to achieve anything, but If I do try to buy one it will be WAY down the line). I hate it when people just settle for working at Burlington coat factory as a sales person forever, or become a garbage man. To me those jobs are like stepping stones, use them to jump into a better career. Its hard, and it takes a lot of work to be able to break the chains that hold you down (being lazy, low self esteem, having others telling you that you can't) just keep in mind its always for you and as much support and inspiration you can get from others, you have to make the right move.

Faces!

The face reportedly takes more muscles to smile, than it does to frown. And for me, my face muscles always seem to be flexing! Everything shows on my face, if I'm sad, happy, angry, tired, hurt, it's on my face. I wish I could turn it off sometimes. My girlfriend hates it sometimes because I often look more upset than what I really am. And it can get misinterpreted as being upset, when I'm actually just extremely tired (don't ask me how but if I'm tired that's the way I look). People at work get my "I'm-only-smiling-because-i'm-getting-paid-face" and often times my hangover face, and man the tourists can't tell the difference at all lol. Buuuuuuut I also have the smiles when I am happy or having a good day (or had coffee lol) just like anybody else! Only a few people get to see the truly angry face, I'm usually calm and collected. At my job I get a lot of questionable people which I CANT turn away from and refuse to help (aside from being too nice) it's my job, which get to see the stank face. And a couple of people have seen the sad face, which to this day I kind of wish I could take it back but what's done is done! I don't regret it, just wish the outcome would of been different, but that's another story!

I'll have a samuel adams...no wait? Gimme something new!

Without sounding like an alky, which I'm not btw, I've got to say It takes a lot of getting used to if your not into beer to try or at least it takes a lot of will power to try new flavors (especially when your spending money on it) I've decided that If I'm going to have a beer or two to chill for the night, I'm expanding my horizons. No longer will I stick to the classic corona or budweiser. So far I've tried Amstel light, Guinness, Baltika(Russian, dead ass this tasted like Vodka), Del Sol(Mexican), of course Old English, Steel Reserve. I got to stay breaking from the norm is really refreshing, and these other beers still taste better than keystone light, that's for emergencys when your low on cash, or feeling cheap, and there's a lot of people but I won't do it to myself anymore! One beer, two beers, four beers more....eight beers aaaaaaaaaand damn I think I'm done.

Upset or Happy? Im just confused

Classes ended, my summer begins. I've got the idea in my head to take up summer courses, and infact I do register myself AND change my work schedule, except one big problem, I have absolutely no way of paying for them! Lol You'd think I would of had that part figured out before anything else...Ok no biggie I'll just change my work schedule and cake it this summer and save some money too. Then the reality of the recession smacks me across the face harder than the girlfriend smacked that dude in Shutter (well maybe not that hard, the whole theater felt that smack when she hit him LOL) Buuuuuuut now they tell me, after I have to jump through flaming hoops to get back my original summer hours that I can't work more than 19 hours a week....WTF? I shit 19 hours a week, that's not nearly enough money to have an enjoyable summer!!....So in order to not have a heart attack I think of this in a positive way, how can I do that you say? I don't know, maybe I've had a few bad brownies lately, maybe I realized that life is about as negative as you make it. I just see it now as not having to spend as much time at work anymore dealing with rude ass people telling me they're taxes pay my check,when they don't get what they want....GUESS WHAT DUMBASS? I PAY TAXES TOO /end mini rant, and also to me it means spending more time doing the things that I want to do, which by the looks of it, I'm going to have a lot of time for that.

The Gym

Man I LOVE going to the gym, can't shake the feeling like a junkie on withdrawal...If anybody seen the Arnold documentary when he talks about the "pump" like an orgasm everytime he works out, well it's no where near like what I get from my girl but waaaaay below it, alright I don't know wtf Arnold was smoking when he made that comparison but you get the pump when the muscle you just worked out feels real tight. To some, like me, this is a cool feeling.

I love walking into any gym, doesn't matter if its Omni fitness, Ballys Fitness, my current college gym, and noticing a few things. With an over sized shirt, I blend in with the wall paint, I'm basically invisible, I like these days sometimes. Their the days when I'm at the gym just to workout and not socialize (ha that's like going to the bar and not drinking...) A lot of the times it's also because don't notice it as well, because I know when I go to the gym, it's to WORKOUT, I'm already in a relationship, im not going to the gym to look for a girl, so I dont give a shit what I look like! A lot of the times I look like a caveman, unshaven with a serious look on my face.

THEN, flip the tape over to side B, you got the days when I go in with a form fitting shirt/wife beater and people look at me like I'm a dangerous escaped convict that's ate the iron instead of lifted them for the time he was in there, like "LOCK THAT MF'er BACK IN THERE!" (Guess which one I like more lol) Everybody in there stares, whether it's because they envy my genetics, or theyre amazed at how the human body can shape itself over time with proper training, i'll never know (until they tell me which has happened in the Gym, and can be quite awkward if not done properly lol) It's funny how at the beginning when I started lifting just for me and was still fat, everybody just passed me on and saw me at only that stage in my life. Let me explain, because I mean when I see people on the treadmill I don't say "run tubby cuz you need this more than me". Quite the opposite, because all people need is encouragement, and they're ready to jump start the fitness commitment they've been looking for and dint know they had in them. My girlfriend told me one day "Think about how many random people you've inspired to start working out" This got me thinking, because even if its just one person, well that in itself would be pretty cool to me.

Safe Haven
I was talking to my barber today and damn this dude is MAD stressed, I was just hoping the shit dint come out on my hairline or else there would of been two pissed people in the barbershop today. I told him that (you) need a place in your life where you can get away from every day stress, even if its only for fifteen minutes. Whether its at a basketball court, church, hell if going shopping calms you down do it! Have a spot that calms you down and relaxes you, it doesn't matter where. For me, that's the gym, don't call me, don't text me, and definitely don't rush me! Having a place like this makes it easier to face the challenges that life throws at me and better able to handle certain situations. I can stay in there for hours upon hours lol, I get labeled a "Gym Rat" but it's MY VICE! Smoke, drink, have sex, get as many piercings & tattoos as you'd like, I wont judge, everybody has a vice. As long as you have your "thing" so to speak, just find a way that it benefits you more than it does harm, because trust me, there's always some way you can always drop that dumbbell on your toe, or crush your fingers (fortunately for me I've done both) and put you out of commission for a while, or permanently because there are some things you cant recover from. But the ones that allow you to do, when it's time, visualize coming back, Bigger, Better and Stronger. Like that saying, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. I know I don't have to spell it out but since Im going on the Gym theme here, just use my metaphor for a lot of things in life, I know my readers are smart.

Time for some action!

Man, my cousin just graduated from Columbia University...it's a REAL wake up call. He only started a year before so I SHOULD be leaving school next year...but i'm stuck in education Limbo right now, damn it's so hard but the solutions are all there waiting for me to just take hold of them. I can't understand it myself why I just can't do what I'm supposed to do. Any ideas? Anybody?

I'm Freeeeeee!!!

Finally I'm freeeee! Fucking corporate America, no longer will I be your slave. To think, all it took was one swipe and you had me by the balls(pausepolice) You Gift wrapped and put a pretty little bow in a box of lies and deceit with my name on it. I shouldn't be surprised though, deception is your best skill. Until next time...actually fuck that ill be using my debit card from now on.

Everyday!

I just came to the realization that this semester my days have been like a washing machine cycle everyday the same. Wash, rinse, dry! Replace those words and you got my day. Class, Gym, Work lmao. Fuck curiosity, it was procrastination that killed the cat. And im procrastinating like a mofo! ah...let me get back to studying!

C.R.E.A.M.

Ahhh one of my favorite acronyms next to HNIC and NWA. But this post isn't about hip hop acronyms lol, C.ash R.ules E.verything A.round M.e seems to apply to a lot of people. I feel that it's so true in many cases, like if I had money I would take care of these things in a heart beat, and when I say have money, I mean like I hit the lotto or something and get A LOT of green

First thing's first!

• Pay off all my mom's bills, then make sure she's set for life in DR, get her that nice beach house!
  
• Pay off all my bills (and my girls bills) cuz these college loans and credit cards got me stressed the fuck out lol(fuck you St John's!!)
  
• Then come all the material shit you already know...clothes, cars, and I'm not much of a jewelery man but I'm definitely getting a nice watch, you can keep all that bling, I'll stick with something simple that I like, kind of like this
  

Even after all the money situation is fixed, there's still goals that I want to accomplish that money can't buy.

Be able to run a marathon, 10k is my goal, i'll start with the little stuff for now. I'm fit right now but I'm pretty sure my stamina has dropped since I haven't been doing as much cardio as I'd like, I'm just sticking to weights a lot of the times now.
Then there's extreme shit!(kind of lol)

Sky diving! Ever since I saw Point Break I wanted to this so bad lol

Rock Climbing without ropes, well I'll work my way up to this one from regular rock climbing with ropes and stuff lol, but to climb without ropes has to be another kind of feeling, knowing that your life is literally in your hands, it's got to be a rush!

I want to go swimming with sharks. I know what you're thinking...but this is the most personal goal I would attempt to complete. I've been both frightened and amazed by sharks since I was a little boy. They are undoubtedly, my favorite animal.

Then, in a similar kind of scenario, I just want to scuba dive. I love watching documentary about the bottom of the sea and the rare creatures that have never seen the light of day, granted I wouldn't even be able to go anywhere near there but I'll take what I can get and go as far down as possible.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg, my list is limitless as to what I want to accomplish. Let's see what the future unfolds.

Suuuuuunnnnny Daaaaaayyyyysss!!

What is it about sunny days that makes the day so much more enjoyable? It's another day just like yesterday was, and the same as tomorrow will be. Maybe it's the effects of the Sun just shining down on you giving you this sort of euphoric feeling that makes even the worst situations brighten up just a little bit to make us feel better. What ever the reason is bring it! I can't wait for this summer, I'm really hoping for great weather all along...not-shirt-drenching-in-sweat-as-soon-as-you-leave your-apartment hot, but nice and comfortable, I had enough of those last summer. I don't care what I'm doing, whether I'm slaving long hours at work or taking summer courses in school, I know one thing's for sure and that's that I'm going to enjoy this summer no matter what. There's sooo many changes that I'm not even sure of the outcomes that are going to happen. But I believe even if you don't know what's going to happen in the future, always have plan B...and C...and D! Don't stop because you never really have a firm grasp on the situation until you have it in your hands...and even that's not enough some times.

Spring break?!?!!111one

Chea! it's finally here...well technically I'm late and it's been here since tuesday for me but shhhhh....What to do what to do! Not much probably going to happen though I'm hoping for a lot of QT with my one and only for this upcoming week. Haven't been able to spend too much time with her lately, hopefully this will make up for it. Got to take care of a few things for school and REGISTER for next semester!!! Daamn it's getting late in the game for this type of behavior. Ugh, gotta get things right!

Cleaned my room tonight

They say you can measure how organized a person's life is by how clean their room is. Well, what does it say when I clean my room every night, and mess it up in the morning, only to clean it up at night all over again? Is that how my life is going right now? I think I have everything figured out, then I look back once more in closet and see another shirt I could wear and throw it on the bed a long with the others. I look back at the clock and then panic because it's crunch time now and I'm going to have to decide what to do at that instant. Am I afraid of the future because I'm thinking too much about it? Should I be living right here and right now? Damn I ask a lot of questions lol, does anybody have some answers for me!?

Posts...or lack of

Haven't been posting much lately, usually means I'm REALLY busy dealing with school and work stuff! I cant be too lazy to write something up on here, hell this is where I come when I AM procrastinating lol. I've recently begun to think about new possibilities for my future. New majors, new jobs, that will affect me a lot in the future. I've come to realize that I have to step up to the plate and make my decision now before it is too late. And literally there are a bunch of dead lines coming up for what Im trying to do, and if I don't get the material in now, the wait is up to a whole year again! And that definitely wont do for me. Im sick and tired of waiting for stuff to happen, while I sit around and watch the people around me move forward, as if I'm stuck in slow motion. If I learned anything from reading the Art of War, the hesitating general does not win the wars. I've got to get my battle formation right though, because this next move has to be executed perfectly, or at least with some genuine thought put into it.

March 18th!

Its early, heh I guess by my definition (11:30Pm) Im on my way home I guess I got about another hour or so before I get to my apt, and the night more than made up for my day. It started with the waking up in a scare and looking at the clock 7:06AM... How the hell did I not get up?? Realizing I just definitely over slept by an hour I jump out of my bed, grab my underwear and run to the bathroom, still went to the shower and brushed my teeth quickly, thorough none the less, but quick (smh at you guys that would of just got dressed and left!) it was was like a blur! I check the clock, 7:27AM Damn im slow as hell, got dressed and I had to skip breakfast which really sucks because I try to eat 5 times a day! strike one run to the bus, catch the train, get to school, check the clock ugh already 8:50am.... my class starts at 8:30AM oh and did I mention I have my two midterms today? eh...strike two I finish the test with confidence that I did well at least! but wait...theres one more midterm in the horizon waiting to catch me off guard, the 2nd midterm was HORRIBLE! strike three...aaaaaaand im out? Fuck no, my blog, my rules I get one more chance! fast forward to my lunch break at work to something I've been planning for two weeks now because as bad as the day went its still a special day! Its my two year Anniversary with my girlfriend, Lucy! It sucks that we both had to work today and go to school but that doesn't mean I can't salvage what's left of the day. So fast forward to when I get out of work at night, and it takes an hour, the train ride from my job to her job, I give her a call Me: hey just made it to the bus, you busy? Her: Actually now, its pretty dead, but damn this is the only time we get to talk on the phone for the whole day (already 10:xxPM) Me: yeah I know, but what are you eating, it looks good (already standing 3 feet from her with her back towards me inside her store, the phone faces away from the door so she dint even notice me walk in!) I step in her view, her smile streched all the way around her face, expression speechless and surprised I put the flowers and card down on the counter. The whole days worries, bad midterm, and work stress just went out the window, her smile is beautifully strong enough to cause a start to collapse within itself, and that's what she does to my heart everytime I see her...HAPPY TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY! It was a long trip down the yellow brick road, been to the depths of the abyss, flown above the heavens, experienced the endless desolate calm of space all for her...2:xxAM now... too tired to look at the exact time and focus, so sleepy now...going to sle..zzzz.zZZZzzz

The Joys of Running!

Being physically active isn't something I do, like go to the mall. It's part of my lifestyle. Tony Hawk skateboards, Ne-yo writes and sings, and Joel works out! Plain and simple. I don't play many sports because I don't have the time. I can run whenever I want to though, in the morning at 6AM before I go to class, or at 10PM when I get home from work, no team mates required! It's such a great stress reliever as well, nothing like it. Better than any drug or alcohol out there! I will say this though, it definitely isn't for everybody. Some people prefer to ride the bicycle, or like I mentioned before, play a sport for cardio. But if you are one of those people (like me) that don't have time for sports, but would like to get into running, there are a few things you can do to make it fun for yourself. Or at least tolerable if you're doing it to try and to lose a little weight.

• Running with a Partner

Running with somebody will motivate you more rather than if you are running by yourself. You will either get that competitive energy or just get caught up in the conversation and that will be fuel enough for both of you to keep it going. A way to gauge if you are running at a pace adequate to your current physical level is to try and hold a regular conversation while you run with your partner without huffing and puffing for air. If you can't run and talk at the same time, you should slow down your pace until you can.

• Good music

While some people can listen to slow jams and it keeps them going, most of us require some fast paced music. Any type of fast rock, rap, or techno get's the job done for me. I recently downloaded this 68 minute techno podcast from http://www.motiontraxx.com/ for free, it's really fast paced, the DJ says at about 168 Beats per minute lol, if that doesn't keep your legs moving, nothing will!

• Environment

This is the most important one for me. It's probably because I've been working out for a long time now, going on 4+ years. I've felt like a hamster on a treadmill for the first 2 years working out, then once I got to college I expanded my horizons. You can run on the indoor track or the outside. I also like to run outside! Running outside for me sure beats the treadmill, though it's not as precise, as you know with the treadmill you get the full readings like the total miles ran, calories expended, and your current heart rate. The constant change of scenery is what does it for me though while jogging outside. I know people that HATE running on a treadmill or on a track in circles, but take them out on the streets and they will run for days. Running on the treadmill might seem like it's taking forever because your staying in the same spot and just running while constantly staring down at the time lol, I HATE THAT SHIT! Running in a track makes people seem like their participating in a on foot version of Nascar, going round and round and...you get the idea.

So if you think you hate running, and you haven't tried any of these, what do you have to lose? Go for it!

A Dream come true!

Have you ever wondered if this is all a dream and in reality our dreams are our natural states? Well you are not alone (Lol that sounded really cliché) but Albert Taylor describes what can be called Astral Projection incredibly vividly in the latest (And randomly picked) book I am reading now, "Soul Traveler". He seems to enjoy the meta physical world which he can go into while he's half asleep by ways he learned through meditation (Yeah I know how it sounds). He was bothered as a kid because he would wake up in the middle of the night feeling his body frozen as if somebody was holding him down, and making him unable to move at his own will.

Eventually he researched into it enough to find out that he was experiencing what many people experience when they have a near death experience, but instead it was much stronger than that. In this state, you can sort of just separate your physical self, with your meta physical self and actually see everything in a new clarity, according to him. Astral projection seems like something out of a sci-fi movie to me and as much as I love the genre and I'm not discrediting him, but this does seem a bit far fetched. It's just a crazy notion to imagine that people have these abilities to be able to detach themselves from their physical body and roam the universe, so to speak.

Albert can fly, cross through physical objects, see through them as well, and in his astral state, he can even speak with those who have had their life passes revoked. I can make a connection and see that a lot of the experiences described in the book can be tied to something that has occurred to him in the physical state, or can easily be imagined during sleep. Only because the mind is such a powerful device and it can create the most wondrous situations while your asleep or construct the most terrible nightmare that would make Freddy Kreuger want to move out of Elm Street. Except the more I read about this stuff the more I scoff at myself and say what a bunch of crap this is! I know some people don't care but I mean why not fly to the Middle East and see where Bin Laden is hiding if he's still alive? I bet if I asked him personally there would be some type of bullshit "astral" excuse as to why he wouldn't be able to do that.

I believed it more at the beginning of the book because some of the things sounded a little bit more plausible. That is until he described that he was able to use his third eye to "see" through the wall and sense who was on the other side. Like I said I'm not calling the guy a liar because in a similar comparison, just because you can't see the oxygen you are breathing doesn't mean it's not there. But I can sure as hell use some type of equipment to measure the oxygen content in my room to make sure that it's there. This is pretty amazing but this is definitely one of those things that you have to experience for yourself to believe.

New Style in the horizon, Maybe?

Do you ever wonder what you will look like in the next 5 years? If I am me, and last time I checked I was, I will try to keep my body looking more or less the same. The only thing that I've been thinking about is what am I going to be wearing! As of late, as the days go by Im growing kind of tired of wearing the same stuff, and just want to switch up my style. Im tired of hearing this word from the older people (30+) at work, or in rap songs. And you can't step into one subway cart without seeing somebody wearing a pair of skinny jeans. Hi, my name is Joel and im a hipster...Ive been addicted to slim fitted jeans since about sophmore year in college and im ready for change!

I like the style don't get me wrong, its just were at the point in time where everybody is trying to be different at the same time and ends up looking just like the person next to them. Its a perpetual cycle that undoubtedly continues to feed on itself. Whatever I decide to do I just want to be comfortable with what I'm wearing. At the same time I want to look and feel good regardless of others. I tend apply the same principles to working out, because you better believe I don't do it for anybody but me, I could give two shits about what you think about my body, hate it or love it (dont get offended but its the truth).

Its the only thing I can do that I don't need anybody else involved with unless I allow them to. I wouldn't be where I am with that today if I took peoples opinions to heart about the way I look. One thing Ive asked myself though is how do you define what "looking good" is? Yes, it will vary from person to person, but the answer is quite simple, just wear what makes you, you. Reguardless of what other people think, if you like wearing a super tight shirt that has your love handles squeezing out, wear em! Some tight booty shorts that make your ass look great, accentuate those curves, if you got to wear that shirt to hide your gut, do it! We let a lot of media, and artists influence us, which isn't bad but at the same time it gives us unrealistic goals. Were people leading regular lives working, going to school, with everyday problems lol. God knows as much as i'd love to be in the gym 5 days a week, it's just not possible anymore. Hopefully I will see what the future holds for me with clothes! I am getting older, and I know for damn sure I wont be wearing these tight ass jeans into my 30's lol.

Good-Morning muse

I put on my earphones to drown out the ferocious roar of the metal beast thundering through the deepest and emptiest spaces of my mind. Slipping in and out of consciousness the mind and body that were once one entity, now unplugged from reality are separated in the astral plane, as if I've taken the red pill with no regrets. But what's this beautiful noise? The static emanating from my left ear bud has interrupted the hypnotic hold over me that was created by the uncontrollable but rhythmic swaying, like the rocking of a baby's cradle...My eyes are open now. I've arrived at my destination, this is my stop.

Came to me while passing out on the train ride home this morning, weird. Had to scribble it on a GQ magazine subscription stub I found on the floor lol, my phone was dead. Guess it can come to you whenever.

Whenver that happens...

Dear Life,

Hi, how’s it going? It’s me, Joel, and well, you know where I’ve been for the past 3 years after High School, and I love it up here! It’s so great not having a care in the world… Sky isn't the limit, just my imagination over here, but I have a feeling I won't like it up here forever, which is exactly why I want to come back. Would you please be kind enough to wait for me? I’d very much like to join the real world again, but I love it so much up here. The only nightmares I have are the dreams of waking up from this nightmare…if that’s not cryptic enough for you, how about not knowing where you want to be in the next few years. So many questions, but who the hell’s going to answer them for me? Every time I pick up one leaf, it seems like a thousand fall to take it's place, the questions just keep popping up! I think I’ll take my time though, I’ll see you when I get there alright? While some people are born great, others achieve it, and a couple have it thrust upon them, with my luck I’ll stumble over it and just keep walking, while looking around me to see if anybody noticed lol. I hope I’m aware enough at the moment and grab it when the chance comes at me. How will I know? How does anybody know? Let’s see when the moment comes and hopefully I’ll be able to ♪♫climb♪♫!

Sincerely hoping all goes well with you,
Your buddy
Joel Dume

idonate

Saving lives one pint at a time! 3 lives to be exact! I hope this stuff actually gets used and doesn't end up rotting somewhere in a warehouse(I gotta stop being so paranoid)...I wonder, god forbid, if it ever occurred that I needed a blood transfusion, would the nearest hospital that I would get admitted into have a supply waiting for me? One can only hope, that if the worst happened, and it would come to that, there was somebody out there for whatever reason, be it to get out of class (guilty), or just honestly because they wanted to be helpful (definitely me too) donated some for you. This could be the miracle that somebody out there with the rare blood type could be looking for to save their life. So next time you see that blood donor bus parked outside sign up! It takes like 20-25min to do, it's quick and simple, and virtually painless!

Tell me something I don't know...

How do you get information that you really need but dint know if the person your asking is lying or telling you the truth? The answer is Mathew Alexander (writing under a pseudonym of course) He's a former Criminal Investigator. In the book titled "How to break a Terrorist" there are a lot of elements explored. I know you're thinking why would I even bother reading this book? For me aside from the action spread throughout the entire book and the actual retelling of Matt's interrogations compelled me enough to keep reading. It was a view into peoples feelings and emotions on whats going on in their country and what they must do to survive. Don't get me wrong, I'm by no means condoning terrorism, but there are people out there with their back against the wall that joining a terrorist faction was merely a means to survive. The closest thing I can compare it to over here is kind of like when people join gangs just to try and get by. After finishing up the book it's definitely piqued my interest and made me aware about another culture that is only portrayed one way in the media today. This scenario runs through my mind... Imagine, you're in pathmark on the day when the items are on sale and the place is crowded... and all of a sudden somebody screams out "In God we trust!!" before igniting the C4 strapped to a vest snugly tucked under their white tee and flight jacket...The next scene is beyond words and only in your nightmares and bad Quentin Tarantino films have you ever seen so much gore. You see people screaming and running all around you but you only hear the ringing in your ear like the emptiness from space being swallowed by a black hole... and then you realize that your father and little sister are no where to be found, and a sudden wave of panic rushes over you as you struggle to regain your balance. You look around you and see your family a little rattled, but no serious injury!...This is the happy version of what goes wrong every day in the battle between the Sunni's and the Shiites. Broaden your knowledge of the on going war if you haven't already, my only regret about this book is that I dint pick one up like this sooner.

Saint Valentine's Day!

Over the years I’ve forgotten the true meaning of this celebrated day, so I decided to look it up! A lot of people think it’s all about the gifts! And you can’t blame people for really feeling like this because of all the ads and the way the media portrays it. All these commercials about buying this and buying that when in reality, it’s about celebrating you and your loved one’s union… that is the main thing I am looking forward to tonight (sucks I had to work all day today) BUT I have to brag! Because I REALLY LIKE my Vday gift! I got a brand new G-shock watch. Thanks babe! Even though we go through problems (doesn’t everybody?) your still the only girl I love. Nobody can make me feel the way you do. I really hope you like your gift! And to everybody that's single out there today, please DO NOT let Valentine's Day bring down your spirits. Love can strike as quick as lightning, it can also grow overtime depending on the situation your in. It can be as joyous as a newborn baby's laughter and light up the room. But It's Ok if your not in a relationship right now don't sweat it and be patient. Take this day to do what you want, stress free. Clean your closet. Go rent that movie you weren't sure about seeing in the movies and just waited for the DVD to come out. Study for that upcoming test (damnit that reminds me...lol) But don't beat yourself up and become depressed because it's a waste of time and it's just not healthy. I hope you guys enjoy your day! In a relationship or not, here's wishing everybody a good weekend! My precious...

Where's my light? I'm no where near the end of the tunnel...

Lately I've been feeling like I've run out of gas, so to speak. No real direction of where, how or even what to do next. There are a few options and desires I'd like to accomplish which seem attainable but at the same time so out of reach right now…Of course it has a lot to do with the way I’m thinking because I’ve just been served a dose of reality. I won’t go through how I’ve felt with that because I’ve aired it out in the “Last stop” post lol. Maybe I need to re-evaluate where I am in my life and what I really want to do, especially career wise, because maaaaan does time fly! 3rd year in college but I’m still technically a freshmen!(more on that in another post…) I definitely know first hand about time and how harsh it can be if your heads in the clouds! Friends, and family play a bigger role than I’d like to admit. Somebody very special to me has pointed it out that friends and family are always important and they are really great to have. I’ve always known this some where deep inside myself but with the kind of childhood that I had always moving around, it was hard to really create a solid friendship so I kind of distanced myself…sort of waiting for the next move to come and it just became easier. Now that I’m settled (more or less), it’s a little tough to adjust I must say, as easy as it probably sounds to some of you who’ve been in the same neighborhood for all your life, hanging out with the same people since 1st grade, I do envy you guys. Keep a tight grip on your real friends, and keep an open arm for possible new friendships. They say people you meet in college will be with you forever, I often wonder if that’s true.

The Abstract!

Q-Tip Travis Smiley Interview
by yardie4lifever2

If you can only get one thing from this interview, which I will definitely try to apply to my world, is that "Content is King". Q-tip is one of my favorite artists, and has been since A tribe days. The wait was WELL worth it for this album!

Taken from okayplayer.

Last Stop...

The bell goes off!... and you step inside the metal ring full of emotions, and glance around you in awe. Realizing you are now face to face with all these fighters, who are either in they’re prime or worn out and ready to retire. The looks of pain coupled with joy. Anger siding with the stoic expression of a Buddhist monk. Looking around you, how many people around you are heart broken, blissfully in love, on their way to see their loved ones, or to their new companion. Where are the ones riding to the side relationship that will fill them with the remorse of a murderer until confessed? As they put their heads down in shame and attempt to justify the trip, only thoughts of passion and excitement come to mind to cloud their superior judgment. I’m trapped and hopelessly being consumed by all these energies surrounding me, fueling my own anguish. Glancing through the window, down at the swiftly moving tracks, the realization sends a reverberating chill through my spine, that the train keeps on moving. I find myself dazed out, blindly staring directly at the floor watching the lights pass by in the corner pockets of my eyes in a big blur…as if time slowed down I could feel my mind floating and leaving my body standing there...escaping it's iron jaws. Looking down at the lights they seemed for a second almost like the tail of a comet as if I was in a space ship, racing to my destination at another planet, where the atmosphere may slightly numb the pain. Returning back to reality, I learned it does not care about your feelings, nor does it feel guilty for leaving you behind to fend for yourself. In all actuality, the metal behemoth doesn’t even know you exist.

The Inspiration...

People don't generally believe they can make a difference. Whether it's in other people's lives, the environment, or a whole country. Maybe those goals are bit harder to achieve, but anything is possible. About 2 weeks ago coming back from the other side of NYC back to my Apt, while I was on the F train going Up(♪on a downtown line♪...sorry Gym Class Heroes moment..) As usual at that time maybe around 4 or 5 in the morning, I'm constantly slipping in and out consciousness, when I see a familiar face sit across from me in almost a mirror state of consciousness himself. His name is E****, and he used to work at Burlington Coat Factory back when I was there, he was the custodian, nice dude. So I tap him on the shoulder, the guy looked like he just woken up from a coma, completely unaware as to who I was even though I told him my name. I tell him where we used to work together, then he remembers. He told him what he's been doing with life, as so did I. Turns out he's been working at McDonalds since Burlington, and getting crappy(er) pay, working slave hours, etc. I told him forget McDonalds, your still young, go for a better job. But when I asked him what his highest level of education was he replied with "I dropped out of High School, it was too tough" I told him right away you got to get back in there, get your GED at the very least which is good enough to get into a whole bunch of certification programs (Which definitely make A LOT more money than Mcdonalds ANY day). We began talking about books and I told him where I work, his face lit up like the 4th of July...I told him since he's working so close, drop by and pick up a book on getting a GED, he won't regret it. Granted after persuading him pretty much for the rest of the ride and speaking about the future benefits, he agreed on thinking about it. I said to myself, Ok I'll take that. Low and behold, today, this man proceeds to step to the front desk where I'm seated and sticks his hand out...at this point at work I'm in a daze and ready to go home! Then I realize that it's E*****!, he came up to me and told me, "Hey man I was thinking about what you said, and I want to do it, can you help me?" At this point...I'm shocked that he remembered and actually decided to pursue it. So of course I sent him on his way, once he got what he needed, he came back with a big grin on his face and the GED test book. This goes to show that no matter the time, day, or situation there's always time to try and help somebody. By motivating them to do something more...achieve something better and climb that ladder, because for most of us, we always have to start at the bottom.

Human After all...

I am dumbfounded by how incredibly attracted to her beauty I’ve become. She is so mesmerizing, that her reflection alone on murky water is enough to squeeze the breath from my lungs with such a gentle force, it mirrors a loving mother’s touch on her baby’s skin. She shines so brightly, it’s almost impossible to capture her true magnificence in its entirety, with my incompetent, flawed, human vision. She is truly out of this world! and I can only hope to share the same space with her in my dreams. Her presence is a blessing, but she breaks my heart into so many pieces the puzzle it could create would cover the world. At the beginning of every day I am amazed at how I still have enough love for her at night. She’s here for a few hours, and then gone again. There’s somewhat of a void, like a black hole that takes everything away from me with no remorse, and I swell up inside with a feeling of helplessness, but I fret not, for she is faithful if not by habit and always returns to me, like a boomerang she strikes me right where the feeling is so great that I wish the night would last forever…Yet once again, I am nothing but a feeble mammal against her massive force. For when she departs for the day, I am unable to prevent her from deserting me, for I am only a man, and my physical prowess is limited to the confines of my body own flesh and blood.

2009, change is here!...not....

No, this is not a stab at Barack Obama (Finally he's officially in!). I am talking about a topic that's still highly controversial today, as it was back in the day when they forced people to sit at the back of the bus. But depending on your point of view, it varies greatly and the pendulum swings either way. If you dint get that I am talking about racism by now, it’s time to turn off MTV and pick up a news paper, and get real world information, not watch the “real world”. It’s been so long since the afore mentioned acts were commonly and widely accepted, but still, it goes on around us. It happened to me about 3 days ago at a store. No it’s not the first time it’s happened to me and I’m pretty certain it won’t be the last either, but at least it’s been a lot less obvious. I went to an electronics store with a friend, that’s located across the street from where I work in downtown Manhattan. To those that know me, already know I don’t dress “hood” and by no means portray that I’m a gangster or anything remotely close to that. It’s just so funny that out of everybody that was walking in there, the security guard follows us around. This guy was watching me like I was stuffing DVD’s in my pea coat as soon as I walked into the store. I’m assuming it’s because my friend was wearing a baggy flight jacket that said “Brooklyn” in big embroidered letters on the back and wearing a beanie hat twisted to the side. I couldn’t even shop in peace, though I still managed to find Metal Gear Solid 1(!) and a decent pair of earphones with Mr. Magoo staring at us in plain sight. I mean at least try to do it in an area where we can’t easily notice you serving us grilled cheese looks. Have the decency to treat us like equals and let me buy the merchandise like everybody else. Is my money not the same green as the others? Is it tainted as soon as it reaches the folds of my pockets? If the cashier at the counter didn’t look so worried while I was buying the merchandise, I would of told her that this guy shouldn’t be hawking the customers like that. Yes it’s his duty to protect the store, and be a little suspicious. Though I bet while he was watching us, the real shop lifters go their after Christmas 5 finger discounts in full effect. I let it go for now…until next time, and there will be a next time, because while some people may change (and that’s hardly the case), the circumstance always remains the same. Always judging a book by it’s cover.

The Journey...

It’s a very safe and sound environment, I am out of harms way in here. But something just does not feel right, the air is very thick, it becomes difficult to breathe and Suddenly the safe environment begins to look like a holding cell, I cant seem to getaway from these four walls which if could speak would say leave! God knows they would try to themselves if they weren’t rooted in place, but I digress, my senses are warning me and I feel attracted but repulsed at the same time by the thought current struggle outside… aaahh but the outer surface is unpredictable, very random and incredibly volatile, almost as if jumping into shark infested water with a meat necklace dangling from your collar, any wrong move could mean a much needed, but eternal escape from this cruel world. Yet still its as if on auto pilot, my appendages begin to act on their own, latching on the gear for the journey ahead, only the necessary equipment as if tomorrow does not matter, only the right here and the now. Ready I am for the fight up ahead, clashing against the elements head first. NO thunder strong enough to find my weakness. No rain heavy enough to slow down my momentum. NO snow sleek enough to make my actions unsteady. As I fight through the limitless army sent forth from Gaia’s empire I am yet to see failure as an option. FINALLY VICTORY is mine for the taking… the battle has been won, but the war still rages on. Gauging the distance I’ve put between myself and my home, it’s time to trek back throughout the battlefield and get some much needed rest to revitalize my energy, heaven knows this wont be the last time I have to brave the elements. I take off my running shoes, finish up my after running stretches in order to avoid later pain and finish strong with a bottle of water and a nice warm shower!

La introduction

1^st time blogger here! I guess this qualifies as an intro, to me? I’m a simple person (read easy to hang with, not retarded), I’ve got so much patience sometimes it turns on me for the worse with people, give them a step they take you one foot beyond (sound familiar?) I've noticed that a lot of people get the impression i am an asshole or I'm very quiet/shy...that's not true at all, but if the situation makes it awkward...it's going to BE awkward. This leads me to first impressions, which up until about a year ago I wasn’t able to grasp how significant they could be, especially as time goes by and your still around them…After that it’s just maintenance, but attempting to change the way people perceive your actions after that first impression is still a feat I’m yet to achieve…