Hmmphh.

It's been over 2 years since I last used this to post anything. I mainly use Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram for my social networking now. Although this was more of a personal blog for me than for "socializing" I guess. Funny thing is looking back at my posts that I wrote back then, now and remembering the feelings and my thought process makes me feel like I've grown up... a bit. I'm now a college graduate, enjoying my time off from school but having trouble with one of my favorite hobbies. To make a long story short, I have a number of injuries that just prevent me from working out. It's obvious that no one is to blame but myself and my lack of warm up or proper rest but man, this really makes me depressed. I'm still deciding whether or not to begin using this blog space as my new out let, and why now? (you may be asking) Because of my own short comings, the people I look to for motivation are sort of making me feel as if nothing I do works, or I'm doing something wrong (which I Obviously am). I think I just need less distractions, which makes a lot of sense for me to be posting this online, so others can see it lol...right?

Whoa

I'm using tumblr now...same address and everything but I kind of miss this...maybe it's the layout? Guess I'll try and use both of them lol, going to be a challenge though, we'll see.

Future me?

So today while I was in the shower I reflected upon my day. While at the gym (of course) I was speaking with an old schooler, you'll get what I mean by this later. He's sort of the care taker of the gym almost throughout the entire day. He's been running marathons since he was 14 years old back in the day, and he's about to turn 74. While he was training me as I was hitting the punching bag, we held a brief conversation about the new school vs the old school. While I understand where he's coming from, things change, yet a lot of the basic fundamentals remain the same, which of course is understandable. The greatest thing about this was that I saw myself in this guy. Even though he's about to turn 74 soon and he's been running/boxing/training his whole life, the fire that keeps him going is still there. Day in and day out, this guy never quits training. It was quite stunning hearing him talk about the past as if it was still present today for him. I wonder if I'll be like him one day in the future, still excited about working out, and having fun while doing it. I could not believe how awe struck I was by his mindset and his whole attitude towards how he was living his life. I also could not believe he was turning 74, this guy doesn't look a day older than 55, at most and that's pretty amazing to me. Hopefully I'll maintain HALF the dedication this guy has, because to go that far from that age, you've got to be in it to win it, as they say. I'm going to try to keep up, do you think you have it in you? I hope I do.

You title it.

I've made wrong decisions before, but never realized it until it was too late. I don't think I can wait, but it did always seem as if the answer to this question would be told by fate. The silence is the worst part of it all, because that's when you think. That's when the thinkings that you kind of sort of wanted to forget, resurface and then follows regret holding hands with sorrow, laughing at your blunder that you won't ever be able to take back. Unless of course, it really was meant to be, then you get a second chance that not many receive. But maybe by then you wont want to believe that it was you and not her that fucked up. You need to slow down the tempo, and stay focused the room may start spinning but don't throw up. Then again, no one ever knows the answers to the future, whether it's a good mistake or a bad one, people say as you get older, you learn from your mistakes, well I've learned to make them in different ways, variations, and equations. I just change the variable and solve it using the wrong methods. Fuck, I don't know where this is going, I'm just writing as I go along. Add to the fact I've already lost many hours of sleep, contemplating about this, just wish I could close my eyes and have the answer come to me. If I had the Green lanterns ring, then I could just Will it to be. Even then I wouldn't know exactly what it would be, Yes or No? Maybe but even so, no concrete %100 percent, on the dollar answer. I'd probably backfire on myself, and create a blackhole that would swallow me up whole, that would be one way to solve this problem, who knows I guess I just got to wait and see, if it really was meant to be.

Ode to my followed-people? Idk what to call it

I've come to notice the good stuff only comes when i'm feeling down or things aren't really going my way, and eso no es muy bueno. I feel like I've got to find another way to make myself write some good stuff! Besides that and that I'm trying (kind of) hard in school to be good, blogging's kind of taken the back burner right now...man the only way i'll start writing more stuff is if I get people that are actually reading and commenting on it to say to keep writing. Other than that, absolutely noooo motivation! lol though the people I follow right now, I do actually read your blogs, it's always interesting to me to read about how other people are feeling, and dealing with life, whether it's through poems, or just free writing. Especially if I can offer some type of insight to their words. Well, it's late and I'm all out of Sake, gonna go to sleep and try and hit the gym eaaaarrrly manana. But to my bloggers, keep it coming! I'll keep reading and commenting.

The Little Things

Step on the floor, it makes the loudest whisper as it cracks under my feet. Walk outside, the bitterness in the air fills my lungs with the smug reality of the world. A man drives by with his windows rolled up and a cigarette in hand, his passenger is death and they're holding hands. An old couple sits across from me in the bus, having lived through the bests of times and it shows in their faces but for some reason it looks like they're just getting started on life...She smiles at me and makes my heart race, can't believe she's so beautiful, hope the moment lasts forever and doesn't pass me by like the second that just did and is now history. I want to grab it and beat the seconds down in my palm for going so fast! I'll hope to hit them as hard as possible to attempt and knock time back, even if only for a moment, it would be worth the fight. Now please, just stand still for me so I can snap this picture which will be worth, as they say, "more than a thousand words" with infinite adjectives to describe it, but then in return Ill say its priceless, because I'll be sure to create new ones if I ever run out of ways to express the beauties of the subtleties in my life. And that's just something no one can take away, and in retrospect thats what makes the little things in life, remarkably more memorable than anything else I can ever fathom.

Like I said, I'm not sure if I like it too much. Please, share your comments, and criticism because I'd really like to know.

Been a while huh

Daaaamn, it's been a minute since I put anything up! Haven't forgot about the blog though. Always thinking about changing the type of content I put up but it's a very selective process. I'm about to put up a piece that I dont feel is finished but for the sake of keeping the blog going I'll post it up in a little bit. The feel of the work seems to me like it's a bit all over the place. I think it ended up going that way because I started writing it a long time ago, like sometime around the summer last year, and just recently added more to it in an attempt to complete it. But alas, it still doesnt feel that way to me.

Metaphysically Linked.

Never can be such a horrible phrase to say, it can be the cause of much undesired pain and dismay. It would seem there can be a you without me, but without you I wouldn't care to exist or be seen. Promise me you'll never leave, and yes I mean, won't you stay with me, forever please? I can try to imagine a world without you, but my heart would jump through my conscience and tell me the truth, and that is that calculation does not compute, don't try and solve that riddle, or you'll loose some IQ. You see, we are one half of each other, and together we are complete and way more than lovers. Transcending the astral plane is simple for you and I, holding hands through the metaphysical as we fly, going through all the trials and tribulations that have been lain in our path, it only proves how much more we should stay together, but don't forget the past too fast, because though we mourn for our mistakes, we seem to grow in their wakes. No one out there can match our spirits, let them try, they won't make it past the gates, they'll just end up falling back bellow towards the place that they most hate, and proceed to live out their fates.

Thanks for always being there babe, I love you so much!

When will it stop?

Why are the emotions eating me from the inside out, as if I'm not already filled with more than enough doubt? Its crazy to think this at this age, but I guess its nothing but a number, I swear I wish I could put it so sleep, let it slumber. It keeps digging itself deeper into my psyche, this is going to drive me insane, is there anybody that can help me, before it implodes my heart, my soul and brain? The pressure is more than I can handle, I admit it, but the pain still courses through my veins. I'm constantly feeling the erruption of madness within, that looks as if ill never win. To be honest I'm glad these walls cant talk, because then you'd be forced to see, just how dark and twisted I've really come to be. Though you were never there, you still affected me, you’ve made your mark. Looks like your plan came to fruition, looks like your seed grew into completion.

Finally things are looking great!

Sooo it looks like my weeks of shaving clean,(wow how much I missed my beard) and dressing up and going through nerve breaking interviews are over! After 1...2...3...4...5...yeah, FIVE different interviews, I finally got the position I wanted! Muahahahahaahahahaha (doctor-evil-over-exaggerated-out-of-breath-laugh) Beat out two other people for it. Yeah, I feel kind of bad they dint get it...but fuck it, I deserve it as much as them. This job comes with benefits, sick days, insurance too! waaaaat. Ok, just had to let the world know. I'm happy once again. And thanks to everybody that kept telling me to hold my head up and not to worry, made the wait till I got to hear the news a lot easier, I still cant believe I got it though.

Fading Armor

Your smile is welcoming, but your eyes are threathening. Your armor is getting rusty, but the truth is even armorall couldn't bring the shine back. The ripples in your face show the pain that's constantly in motion, flowing through your body like osmosis, spreading everywhere. And no matter how many times you lift the barbell, the weight keeps coming back down, showing no mercy. You know the lactic acid is raining down all over your body, and the emotional pain is tougher than the physical. You need some rest, take a second to compose yourself... I know i'll recover soon enough.

Ambition, a bad thing?

I guess things don't always go as planned, I'm not mad though, its expected in life. I just wish sometimes the efforts don't seem in vain. Countless days spent worrying about the future, for it to come crashing down all around you in a moments notice. I wonder if life were lived as it once seemed so simple in the beggining of time, would it still be as fulfilling? Forget getting the overpriced cars and expensive clothes, they feel like a burden in the end. We make these goals of money, or dreams, and label them ambitions but instead I swear they convert themselves to inhibitions. Striving for success can be a hard road, but in the end, would the paycheck and nice house make it all worth it?

Heartshare

I don't share it, I give it. She takes it, and appreciates it. That's the reason why it hurts so good. But if there were never any rocky roads, filled with pot holes and anguish, how would you define happiness? Its possible we may need things to go wrong, to remind us that opposite to all that pain and disbelief, excitement and joy is only a smile away. I may wear my heart on my sleeve, but its the only one way I know how to breathe. It may seem bleak the way things unfold, and its natural to place the blame on the opposition. Just stop and ask yourself, is it really me? If you really think about it, the answer may even surprise... you.

Not Fair...at all

My schedule has been horrible the past three weeks. I have time to go to school, work, hang out with friends. But I don't have time to enjoy my favorite activity in the whole world! (Alright 2nd favorite) I haven't worked out in like 3 weeks. Then when I work up some time to be able to crush the weights, my wrist craps out on me. Horrible, bone crunching pain in my left wrist. I couldn't even wipe after taking a dump at the peak of this pain. Yeah, I'm not creative enough to make that up, it actually hurt that much. Usually when I get injured, I do cardio or weights alone, then what happens, my right knee gives out, and it feels like a sprained tendon. I've had this pain on my left knee in the exact same spot, and only Ibuprofen was my savior. No ammount of icy hot or rubbing would help. So now on top of not having the time to head over there, I can't do shit even if I wanted to. This to me is like taking a writers pen and paper away from him/her after he/she clears up the worst case of writers block. Taking the skateboard away from an avid skateboarder. You get the idea. I hope I heal up quick, this just messed up my chances for this photoshoot that was planned at the end of fashion week, but ill get back on top of it once I heal up.....hopefully!

Re-new begginings?

Here we go again, another year of school. New year, new school, story of my life. This is the last time I transfer schools though, I WILL get my degree from here, no more games! Its a lot tougher than people think moving to a new school, everything's unfamiliar to you. You don't have that sense of security you sort of come to terms with that built up over time the longer you've been in a certain school. Going from St. Johns University to City Tech felt like a downgrade. Only because I went from a campus setting, actually living on campus, to a commuter school. When you dorm, its a community of people in which you share your college years. Everything you do, even if you tried you won't be able to avoid seeing the same people people at least once or twice a week. Whether its doing laundry, going to the gym, eating at the dining hall, whatever. Other than that, the classes and the caliber that create the difference in the tuition cost is practically non-existent. Teachers from either school weren't much better than the other. I encountered simple, obnoxious, funny, annoying, tough graders, whatever you categorize your teacher as, in both schools. And guess what? Its not any different now in BK College. I hope this year is smooth and nothing gets in the way of my studies, because that's the most important part of my life right now (or it should be) Now that makes me sound uncertain, but really I know what I have to do, now its just time to get it done.

Been a while!

No, I haven't forgotten about the blog, just been busy. Or kind of avoiding it a little bit if I kind of think about it. I always put more out here than I want to sometimes. Oh well, if not in a blog, then where would I do it? But, I'm glad im starting school soon, I really need some kind of focus! All this work and no play makes Joe a dull boy! Man there it goes again, well who doesn't like The Shining? Haha

Childhood dream or future reality?

Man when I was a kid back in DR still running around my house barefoot, I always dreamed of being able to live lavishly. I mean like owning 10 cars, houses pretty much all over the world, having a boat, etc. Nows a different story, its so hard letting go as simple and as childish as those dreams may seem, part of me sees people doing this daily, at least what they want to show on TV. All these superstars just living "the dream". I don't want to settle getting an average job, making average money just to get by. That's fucking whack. So I'm aiming higher than that. I'm not even talking about getting superstar money, but I'm damn sure going to be doing better than just getting by, I'm going to own my own range, rover that is, and I'm even going as far to say I want my own boat. Not a yatch, I still think real and I doubt, ill be making money like that (not to put any limitations on my own will to achieve anything, but If I do try to buy one it will be WAY down the line). I hate it when people just settle for working at Burlington coat factory as a sales person forever, or become a garbage man. To me those jobs are like stepping stones, use them to jump into a better career. Its hard, and it takes a lot of work to be able to break the chains that hold you down (being lazy, low self esteem, having others telling you that you can't) just keep in mind its always for you and as much support and inspiration you can get from others, you have to make the right move.

Faces!

The face reportedly takes more muscles to smile, than it does to frown. And for me, my face muscles always seem to be flexing! Everything shows on my face, if I'm sad, happy, angry, tired, hurt, it's on my face. I wish I could turn it off sometimes. My girlfriend hates it sometimes because I often look more upset than what I really am. And it can get misinterpreted as being upset, when I'm actually just extremely tired (don't ask me how but if I'm tired that's the way I look). People at work get my "I'm-only-smiling-because-i'm-getting-paid-face" and often times my hangover face, and man the tourists can't tell the difference at all lol. Buuuuuuut I also have the smiles when I am happy or having a good day (or had coffee lol) just like anybody else! Only a few people get to see the truly angry face, I'm usually calm and collected. At my job I get a lot of questionable people which I CANT turn away from and refuse to help (aside from being too nice) it's my job, which get to see the stank face. And a couple of people have seen the sad face, which to this day I kind of wish I could take it back but what's done is done! I don't regret it, just wish the outcome would of been different, but that's another story!

I'll have a samuel adams...no wait? Gimme something new!

Without sounding like an alky, which I'm not btw, I've got to say It takes a lot of getting used to if your not into beer to try or at least it takes a lot of will power to try new flavors (especially when your spending money on it) I've decided that If I'm going to have a beer or two to chill for the night, I'm expanding my horizons. No longer will I stick to the classic corona or budweiser. So far I've tried Amstel light, Guinness, Baltika(Russian, dead ass this tasted like Vodka), Del Sol(Mexican), of course Old English, Steel Reserve. I got to stay breaking from the norm is really refreshing, and these other beers still taste better than keystone light, that's for emergencys when your low on cash, or feeling cheap, and there's a lot of people but I won't do it to myself anymore! One beer, two beers, four beers more....eight beers aaaaaaaaaand damn I think I'm done.

Upset or Happy? Im just confused

Classes ended, my summer begins. I've got the idea in my head to take up summer courses, and infact I do register myself AND change my work schedule, except one big problem, I have absolutely no way of paying for them! Lol You'd think I would of had that part figured out before anything else...Ok no biggie I'll just change my work schedule and cake it this summer and save some money too. Then the reality of the recession smacks me across the face harder than the girlfriend smacked that dude in Shutter (well maybe not that hard, the whole theater felt that smack when she hit him LOL) Buuuuuuut now they tell me, after I have to jump through flaming hoops to get back my original summer hours that I can't work more than 19 hours a week....WTF? I shit 19 hours a week, that's not nearly enough money to have an enjoyable summer!!....So in order to not have a heart attack I think of this in a positive way, how can I do that you say? I don't know, maybe I've had a few bad brownies lately, maybe I realized that life is about as negative as you make it. I just see it now as not having to spend as much time at work anymore dealing with rude ass people telling me they're taxes pay my check,when they don't get what they want....GUESS WHAT DUMBASS? I PAY TAXES TOO /end mini rant, and also to me it means spending more time doing the things that I want to do, which by the looks of it, I'm going to have a lot of time for that.