Hmmphh.

It's been over 2 years since I last used this to post anything. I mainly use Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram for my social networking now. Although this was more of a personal blog for me than for "socializing" I guess. Funny thing is looking back at my posts that I wrote back then, now and remembering the feelings and my thought process makes me feel like I've grown up... a bit. I'm now a college graduate, enjoying my time off from school but having trouble with one of my favorite hobbies. To make a long story short, I have a number of injuries that just prevent me from working out. It's obvious that no one is to blame but myself and my lack of warm up or proper rest but man, this really makes me depressed. I'm still deciding whether or not to begin using this blog space as my new out let, and why now? (you may be asking) Because of my own short comings, the people I look to for motivation are sort of making me feel as if nothing I do works, or I'm doing something wrong (which I Obviously am). I think I just need less distractions, which makes a lot of sense for me to be posting this online, so others can see it lol...right?

Whoa

I'm using tumblr now...same address and everything but I kind of miss this...maybe it's the layout? Guess I'll try and use both of them lol, going to be a challenge though, we'll see.

Future me?

So today while I was in the shower I reflected upon my day. While at the gym (of course) I was speaking with an old schooler, you'll get what I mean by this later. He's sort of the care taker of the gym almost throughout the entire day. He's been running marathons since he was 14 years old back in the day, and he's about to turn 74. While he was training me as I was hitting the punching bag, we held a brief conversation about the new school vs the old school. While I understand where he's coming from, things change, yet a lot of the basic fundamentals remain the same, which of course is understandable. The greatest thing about this was that I saw myself in this guy. Even though he's about to turn 74 soon and he's been running/boxing/training his whole life, the fire that keeps him going is still there. Day in and day out, this guy never quits training. It was quite stunning hearing him talk about the past as if it was still present today for him. I wonder if I'll be like him one day in the future, still excited about working out, and having fun while doing it. I could not believe how awe struck I was by his mindset and his whole attitude towards how he was living his life. I also could not believe he was turning 74, this guy doesn't look a day older than 55, at most and that's pretty amazing to me. Hopefully I'll maintain HALF the dedication this guy has, because to go that far from that age, you've got to be in it to win it, as they say. I'm going to try to keep up, do you think you have it in you? I hope I do.

You title it.

I've made wrong decisions before, but never realized it until it was too late. I don't think I can wait, but it did always seem as if the answer to this question would be told by fate. The silence is the worst part of it all, because that's when you think. That's when the thinkings that you kind of sort of wanted to forget, resurface and then follows regret holding hands with sorrow, laughing at your blunder that you won't ever be able to take back. Unless of course, it really was meant to be, then you get a second chance that not many receive. But maybe by then you wont want to believe that it was you and not her that fucked up. You need to slow down the tempo, and stay focused the room may start spinning but don't throw up. Then again, no one ever knows the answers to the future, whether it's a good mistake or a bad one, people say as you get older, you learn from your mistakes, well I've learned to make them in different ways, variations, and equations. I just change the variable and solve it using the wrong methods. Fuck, I don't know where this is going, I'm just writing as I go along. Add to the fact I've already lost many hours of sleep, contemplating about this, just wish I could close my eyes and have the answer come to me. If I had the Green lanterns ring, then I could just Will it to be. Even then I wouldn't know exactly what it would be, Yes or No? Maybe but even so, no concrete %100 percent, on the dollar answer. I'd probably backfire on myself, and create a blackhole that would swallow me up whole, that would be one way to solve this problem, who knows I guess I just got to wait and see, if it really was meant to be.