When will it stop?

Why are the emotions eating me from the inside out, as if I'm not already filled with more than enough doubt? Its crazy to think this at this age, but I guess its nothing but a number, I swear I wish I could put it so sleep, let it slumber. It keeps digging itself deeper into my psyche, this is going to drive me insane, is there anybody that can help me, before it implodes my heart, my soul and brain? The pressure is more than I can handle, I admit it, but the pain still courses through my veins. I'm constantly feeling the erruption of madness within, that looks as if ill never win. To be honest I'm glad these walls cant talk, because then you'd be forced to see, just how dark and twisted I've really come to be. Though you were never there, you still affected me, you’ve made your mark. Looks like your plan came to fruition, looks like your seed grew into completion.

Finally things are looking great!

Sooo it looks like my weeks of shaving clean,(wow how much I missed my beard) and dressing up and going through nerve breaking interviews are over! After 1...2...3...4...5...yeah, FIVE different interviews, I finally got the position I wanted! Muahahahahaahahahaha (doctor-evil-over-exaggerated-out-of-breath-laugh) Beat out two other people for it. Yeah, I feel kind of bad they dint get it...but fuck it, I deserve it as much as them. This job comes with benefits, sick days, insurance too! waaaaat. Ok, just had to let the world know. I'm happy once again. And thanks to everybody that kept telling me to hold my head up and not to worry, made the wait till I got to hear the news a lot easier, I still cant believe I got it though.

Fading Armor

Your smile is welcoming, but your eyes are threathening. Your armor is getting rusty, but the truth is even armorall couldn't bring the shine back. The ripples in your face show the pain that's constantly in motion, flowing through your body like osmosis, spreading everywhere. And no matter how many times you lift the barbell, the weight keeps coming back down, showing no mercy. You know the lactic acid is raining down all over your body, and the emotional pain is tougher than the physical. You need some rest, take a second to compose yourself... I know i'll recover soon enough.

Ambition, a bad thing?

I guess things don't always go as planned, I'm not mad though, its expected in life. I just wish sometimes the efforts don't seem in vain. Countless days spent worrying about the future, for it to come crashing down all around you in a moments notice. I wonder if life were lived as it once seemed so simple in the beggining of time, would it still be as fulfilling? Forget getting the overpriced cars and expensive clothes, they feel like a burden in the end. We make these goals of money, or dreams, and label them ambitions but instead I swear they convert themselves to inhibitions. Striving for success can be a hard road, but in the end, would the paycheck and nice house make it all worth it?